Lean, Mean, Cleaning Machine

Sometimes when I sit down to write I get distracted by things in the apartment that need to be cleaned, organized or improved – like doing the dishes, managing bills or looking for new kitchen chairs. When I get this impulse, I usually go bananas because I can’t think of what to do first and as I try to decide, the list gets even longer.  Before you know it I’m txting a friend, while doing the dishes and forgetting to put the laundry in the drier before midnight and I’ve gone another day without writing.

The whole thing, though, is just a tricky way to let me out of doing the thing that’s most important.  It’s not that it wouldn’t be better if there weren’t dishes in the sink – it would.  It’s hard, and probably not healthy, to turn a blind eye to mess and disorganization for a long period of time.  But when the desires to clean, organize and fix takes over, I know I’m afraid of doing something that would be harder, but more important.

For today’s entry, I wanted was to want to write about why women’s fantasy lives are so powerful. I still want to do this, but I fear that someone at my job would find out and fire me for writing about the matter.  Or that someone will call me crazy because only a crazy person would want to talk about something that private.

But I also fear that in wanting to be that close and share something that intimate – I’ll scare you, the reader, away.  You could say that it’d make sense then to just share the idea with people I feel most comfortable with, but it drives me crazy that something as important as women’s feelings about sex ends up something that has to be so carefully guarded.  Because having more closeness and more intimacy makes us happier.

As turns out, it would be much better for everyone I could have ignored the dishes for the exact amount of time it takes for me to forget that I ever thought I needed to do them.   Then the words here would be less labored, the experience more satisfying and the release more complete.  But with another five paragraph deadline already on its way, there’s only time to try again tomorrow.


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